Monday, July 30, 2012

Forget me not...


July 30, 2012

It’s been awhile, I know!!  The fund was setup at US Bank.  Any checks received needs to be made out to pregnant and fighting cancer.  I have been living the good life.  Every time I return to the doctor, everything is going great.  My blood count is down more and more.  I am getting ready for our new arrival, who I feel kicking and flipping every day.  He has given me such joy.   I am trying so hard to stay strong for him.  But today, I had a funny feeling.  I sat in the waiting room and something deep said “Prepare, some bad news is coming”.  Well shortly after, I received word that my blood count had gone UP by 3,000.  It’s not much I know but….. It’s up.  Why?? I haven’t missed a dose.  Could my body be starting to get used to it?  There is not much more they can do if this medication doesn’t work, what’s next?  Is it the pregnancy hormones that have got me all over the place? I heard, I cried.  And I cried again. And again.  I feel like I have total faith in God and that he will bring me through, but is it wrong to cry?  Can I not have emotion about this?  Can I think it sucks to hear bad news?  I am now rethinking the Texas trip.  I called this morning to see if an appeal is the right thing to do.  I am now waiting on a return call.  I will let you know what’s next.  But in the meantime, forget me not.  Please keep me in your prayers.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

2 weeks early


July 24, 2012

The last couple of days have been exciting.  I found out by sonogram that the baby may be here a couple of weeks early.  He is due to arrive on my late mother-in-law’s birthday.  If this happens, the kids will have birthdays of 7, 14, and 21.  Birthdays by 7.  What a coincidence! My white blood count is down to 67, 000.  The doctor said it should be down to normal by the time the baby is born! I am so blessed to feel normal.  If I look back, it really has not been that hard.  The hardest part of my whole journey has been just dealing with it emotionally.  But God has given me peace beyond any understanding.  Get to know him.  Everyone knows that cancer can take a toll on not only your body but your pocket has well.  I have been asked to start a donation account.  I feel really awkward in even posting it.  But I know how this could affect my livelihood.  The fund will be available Thursday.  If the fund is successful, I can help others in the same situation. (Pregnant and fighting leukemia) More information to come.  No pressure! Just if you can!

Friday, July 20, 2012

NOTHING!!





Guess what's going on today! NOTHING!!! I am so happy.  I feel great. At my last appointment, my blood count was 96,000.  I am truly blessed. THANK GOD.  Thank God for sending his son and allowing him to take this away.  I have such a peace about my whole situation.  I am able to spend time with my family, provide a future for my kids, and still love life.  Every moment is more precious than the next.  Don’t wait for something that seems to be tragic to happen in your life to find Jesus and/or happiness.   Don’t wait to hear about a crazed man shooting up a theater!   My heart goes not to all those families who are dealing with this tragedy.  What kind of world are we living in?  Who are raising these monsters?

Monday, July 16, 2012

Thankful


July 16th
I just want to take a space and thank God for all his done for me.  I am so thankful for my husband.  He has been a saving grace.  He keeps me stronger in his own way.  I am not sure where I would be without him.  I know I am not going through this alone.  He has been there every step of the way.  If I tell him I need him, he is there no questions asked.  My children may not know a lot about what was going on but they are there for me in such a beautiful way.  They tell me how pretty I am or just come check on me.  They know that sometimes all that is needed is a hug.  I know they care so much.  I have the most awesome mother a girl could ever have.  She is not an emotional person, but a doer.  I don’t have to ask because it’s already being done.  My dad BT, who always knows what to say.  I know you have my back.  And to my brothers and sisters, all of you have been great.  When I am at my lowest point, I know I can depend on you.  I know that you will be there. And to my newest friends, I am not sure I could make it all day without you.  You know how to keep me smiling and to put me back in my place.  This is for everyone who has prayed for me, had me on their mind, THANK-YOU!! You have made my journey that much easier.  I know that I am loved.  I know that I have guarding angels surrounding me.  Why else did my white blood cell count go down another 100,000 today?

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Baby Surprise


July 11th

It was SONOGRAM day.  I knew! I knew deep down.  How could we go in and not find out for sure?  It seemed like the first picture of our baby, opened its legs to show us.  God wanted us to know that his will, will happen.  It’s a boy! His name is Malachi Terry.  We haven’t decided on a middle name yet.  He is my messenger.  Would I have been in the acute stage if not for him?  I am well.  He is well.

Down 100,000


July 9th

Today I had my oncologist appointment; I was going to find out if the meds were working.  I got in and was waiting to see the doctor when I saw a woman that looked very familiar.  I stood there because there was no seating available.  My name was called.  As l walked by, she recognized me.  She asked what I was doing there.  I looked at her jokingly and said we are at a cancer treatment center.  As soon as I was done getting my blood drawn, I was met with a hug.  She was the security officer from my job. What is she doing here? I thought.  She seemed so happy and was always so friendly.  She invited Theo and me to sit with her.  She remembers who I was but didn’t know my name.  She gave me the full run of her story.  Well, her husband, who was working two jobs when he found out, got a call from his doctor and told him to take his a$$ to the ER right now. (Sorry, I had to tell the story right) he got there to find out he had AML.  This is the acute stage of leukemia.  It moves fast and needs immediate treatment.  He has since received a bone marrow transplant. They were there to get the final results to see if he was cancer free.  It was my turn.  I waited what seemed to be hours before the doctor came in with good news.  My blood count was down by 100,000.  Thank you, God.  I still have a fight. I still need to drop by 50-100,000 more and that’s not even to become normal.  I know my body will be restored. 

Monday, July 9, 2012

Soar like eagles!


July 8th

I had just finished typing July 3rd entry when Joel Osteen’s voice came across the television.  Not sure if my husband had turned to it or not but I was sort of, kind of paying attention from the kitchen.  I have never really given Joel a chance.  So I wasn’t extra excited about seeing it.  If you look back, the entry talked about being denied travel to TX to see the specialist.  Well, the message was about a second wind.  He gave an example of a woman he knew that had just received treatment from MD Anderson. (no joke, look it up)  She had just completed 6 months of treatment and was notified that she would need 6 more months.  He explained how she was getting weary and didn’t know if she had more fight in her.  But he then explained that we are human.  We get weary but it’s what we do from there.  God wants us to turn to him for our second wind.  When you think the pain is too much and you’re not sure if you can go on turn to God.  It’s like a woman having a baby; the pain can get unbearable but guess what the reward is right around the corner.  In Isaiah 40:31, it states but those who wait on the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Your greatest test comes when you’re weary so take me to the roof, dig a hole, and lower me down.

The 4th!!


July 4th

I had a great day with the family.  Theo and I started out the day getting prepared for it.  We were not only celebrating Independence Day but my brother was moving out of town for a new/old job.  We had the works! It was going to be an awesome day.  Slowly but surely everyone started showing up.  My sister-in-law came and saved the day with a great jello cake.  She didn’t know yet that she can bring anything to my house but a cake.  I am the Head baker!! I gave her a hard time about it too.  She started in on me too.  I did have on my Set it off attire, braids included.  I celebrated family all day. I really love my family.  Thanks!  But next holiday, it’s at their house.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Denied!


July 3rd

Denied!! I was at work about to make my next call when my phone rang.  It was my oncologist office, Tameka explained that she had just got word that my request to see a specialist in TX was denied.  I am thinking “excuse me”! I just talked to BCBS yesterday and was given a confirmation code, approved travel times, and co-pays.  I had even setup the appointment in TX.  I called my contact Felicia at MD Anderson immediately!  I explained to her what I had just heard.  She told me that this couldn’t be the truth and she would call on three-way to get this all figured out.  So we called.  We must have been this representative’s last call of the day because she was really rude.  Felicia explained to her she had received all the information that I had from a representative yesterday and well she cut her off and explained that what we were given was confirmation of receipt of prior approval but not approval.  As Felicia started back to explain more, the lady said “IT WAS DENIED, ANYTHING ELSE”? I guess not at this point.  She explained that I would need to be seen at Kansas University (KU) Hospital first.  It took a while to agree that this might be the best option for me.  It is close to home, I would be able to get to know the doctor’s responsible for my care, and very little out-of-pocket expenses.  But I would still like a hospital with more experience.  In the meantime, KU was recognized as one of the leading hospitals in cancer care.  But what about pregnant cancer care? We will see. I guess now I could plan a real vacation. Maybe I could get some money together and take a cruise.

Approved!


July 2th

Approved!  I called Blue Cross Blue Shield today and my request to MD Anderson was approved. It’s time to plan my vacation to TX.  I was so excited.  I get to go away, spend time with my family, and be seen by a specialist:  A person who has worked my several people dealing with pregnancy and cancer.  I called my contact in TX and set the date for 7/19/12.  My appointment was for 7 a.m.  I then called Theo to let him know we were on our way.  Now, I needed to come with the money for travel.  But I was not worried one bit. God got me!!

Total break-down

June 28th

At this point, I am a month in.  I have been trying to hold up and keep things positive not only for myself but the entire family.  I would rather die completely happy than to let, even this get to me! But today, I couldn't hold back.  I got this idea to research online, which I have told myself time and time again DON'T DO.  As I checked web-md for information on leukemia, I came across a stat I never want to see again.  It said there was a 52% survival rate.   I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I had thoughts of giving up.  Could I be so blessed to be apart of that 52%?  What would my family do without me? What would happen to the baby? Could he or she live this early outside of the womb? Would they eventually move on? Could my husband handle all of this by himself?  I went to my bedroom and cried!  I cried like I had nothing else to live for.  But I prayed.  I think God needed me to come back to him.  I may have slacked in my 12, 000 prayers per day for peace and healing.  God wanted me to give it away, put it in his hands.  Why worry, Donita, I got you!! I never want to feel like that again.  Please keep me in your prayers!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Worst so far..


June 28th

Here we go!  Wednesday is my early day at work.  I woke up and things were not right.  I told Theo I don’t know what’s going on but I had this feeling.  He is very supportive and told me to stay at home.  But me, I know I can’t leave him financially strapped. As I was getting settled at work, the cell phone buzzed.  The doctor’s office, I work as a collector for a bank so I couldn’t get to the phone in time to answer.  I completed my call and as I was walking out to call them back. Theo was calling.  This has to be bad.  I sat down and listened to what he had to say.  He explained that he had just spoken with the doctor and had bad news.  My blood count had gone up by 65,000.  This was too much too soon.  They told me that I had to seek immediate treatment at KU.  I went to tears.  My nose bled like never before.  As I was getting instructions on what my next step was, I was spitting up blood. Andrea came to the rescue.  I didn’t have to ask, she just did.  It’s amazing how God puts the right people in your life.  In the short amount of time I have known her, she has become a very good friend.  We started at the bank at the same time and have been friends since the beginning.  We just clicked.  I am not outwardly emotional person, but Andrea is awesome and I love her dearly.  Just so happen, her daughter was ill and she had to leave work.  All I could hear was, “Theo, I got this.  Wherever she needs to be, I will take her.  Just meet us there’.  I really hope she knew how much I appreciated her.  We found the place.  She couldn’t stay, she had her own issues but that was enough. THANK YOU, ANDREA!  Theo and I met at the elevator.  He hugged me like he had not seen me since forever.  He asked me to calm down and explained that God had already covered us.  He tells me that often and I need it.  We checked in, and got settled in the waiting room and before I knew it, all of my brothers were there.  And all of my sisters were there, my mother was there, my nephew was there.  The receptionist told me later that she had never seen such a supportive family.  I love them all!! I even had to wait longer to get a bigger room so we all would fit.  This appointment was the hardest yet.  Not sure if I have mentioned, Theo and I have decided that meds were not the best option for us due to the baby.  The first doctor came in; he made me explain what I knew about what was going on with my body. I cried.  He explained that I needed some sort of treatment. My head said no, no, no.  I knew I didn’t have much of a choice.  He gave all the options: I could take Gleevac but no more baby.  I could take another drug but I would be sick for 2 weeks with flu like symptoms.  Or I could have all my blood pumped out, cleaned and replaced but that option may not last long and could pop a lung.  Lastly, I could take Hydrorea which is not a treatment but it would buy me some time.  This medication wouldn’t enter the placenta since I had made it to my second trimester.  Thank God!! Well, Hydrorea was the best option for me.      

Smooth as silk


June 25th
At my oncology appointment: I think this is way to physically see how I am holding up.  It seems like I meet a new, good person every time.  This nurse right here…Julie was great. She had all the answers.  She was soft, understanding, and very informative.  If I had any concerns or fears, she took care of it.  As I look back, I can see God leading my path.  He knew right where he wanted me to be and when.  Well, it was a regular appointment. No unexplained bruises, no red spots on my skin, and no changes.  Like any other appointment, it was time to get my blood drawn.  Everything went smoothly.

Waiting


June 21th

The letter was on its way.  I finally get an unconventional vacation! Waiting, waiting, waiting….

I have sat down and can't get up..


June 11th – 15th

The 11th: I had an appointment with my OB-GYN, he had decided that it was time to consult a specialist.  He explained he would be dictating a letter so the insurance company would approve out-of-state coverage and would let me know when he’d faxed the letter.  I couldn’t do it!! It finally hit me.  I couldn’t move off the couch, the nose bleeds started, and the headaches were bad.  For the first few days, I sat.  I woke up, use the restroom, and found the couch. I sat for 12 hours straight.  I refused to feel like this. This was the week of my 9 year anniversary, I had plans.  So on my anniversary, I woke up with a change.  I couldn’t do it BIG, but it’s about us just spending time together.  We rented a boat, and put our poles in the water.  We were unsuccessful in catching any fish at all.  But it was so relaxing. We then went to Jazz and had an early lunch.  Depressing right…well, that’s what my husband said. No, it wasn’t a top of the line blow out celebration, but it was all my body could handle.   Truly excited about just getting away from it all, I called for an update of the letter.  When my doctor called back, he explained that the service he used to dictate these letters were down and he would get back with me soon.