Total break-down

June 28th

At this point, I am a month in.  I have been trying to hold up and keep things positive not only for myself but the entire family.  I would rather die completely happy than to let, even this get to me! But today, I couldn't hold back.  I got this idea to research online, which I have told myself time and time again DON'T DO.  As I checked web-md for information on leukemia, I came across a stat I never want to see again.  It said there was a 52% survival rate.   I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I had thoughts of giving up.  Could I be so blessed to be apart of that 52%?  What would my family do without me? What would happen to the baby? Could he or she live this early outside of the womb? Would they eventually move on? Could my husband handle all of this by himself?  I went to my bedroom and cried!  I cried like I had nothing else to live for.  But I prayed.  I think God needed me to come back to him.  I may have slacked in my 12, 000 prayers per day for peace and healing.  God wanted me to give it away, put it in his hands.  Why worry, Donita, I got you!! I never want to feel like that again.  Please keep me in your prayers!